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Origins (ABUNDANT SPOILERS!)

Fri May 1, 2009, 9:50 PM
  • Mood: Outraged
  • Watching: Wolverine: Origins
  • Drinking: Whiskey
First off, may I say this movie was far more disappointing than I could have anticipated. Here be the down-an'-dirty review.

As I feared, (though not to the extent warranted in the end,) casting beyond Jackman and Monaghan generally sucked. I was, thankfully, proven wrong about Liev - he pulled off Sabretooth well, even as a younger version of X1-X3 Sabes. Unfortunately, this didn't begin to account for the fact Dog/Victor's storyline was nonexistent, aka gutted, aka not even so much as nailed to its perch. 'Tis an ex-storyline.

Of all the things rumoured to be in this new, all-encompassing journey, the only bit that was really put in was the guest appearance by - guess who - Wolvie's One True Love Interest, Scott Summers. At least my Jackman-fawning-over-Marsden theory still holds the ring of truth via tribute to his character. :hmm:
BUT WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO JAPAN?!?!?!?!?!?!? Interview after interview saw Jackman promising us the inclusion of "the Japan connection," and you'd think there would be at least some MENTION of Madripoor, but no! We got Canada, Three-Mile Isle, and a quick peek at Africa that didn't even have anything to do with Storm or other mutants based in that area.

The entirety of Wolvie lore, as far as this movie is concerned, hath been squished down to a limp, withered account of the adamantium bonding process and Wolvie's daddy issues. The ending wasn't even an ending; how anticlimactic was that adamantium-bullet ploy?

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Stryker: If all else fails, my fallback will be these shiny, pointy adamantium bullets! After all, everyone knows adamantium is indestructible, even to adamantium itself. He won't remember a thing!

Audience: Heh. Poor, deluded fool. We've seen this before. Bullet hits skull, we count to sixty seconds, bullet pops out again. Almighty Wolvie is fine, with barely a dent to the ego.

*Stryker shoots Wolvie, futilely adding one extra ka-pow for good measure*

Audience: Here it comes! Our hero shall prevail so we can see what REALLY happened once those scientists got their hands on him!

Wolvie: Who am I? Why do you have a stick? Am I supposed to feel mournful over this chick dying? Am I a chick, too?

Audience: HOW. THE. HELL. DID THIS. MAKE IT OFF THE CUTTING ROOM FLOOR?

*Credits start rolling*

Audience: *commits hari-kari with various bladed movie-replica props*
--

... Aside from a few highlights (Mr. Jackman's two glorious minutes of arse-flashing, the sparse clips of our strangely un-beaked Hobbit Mr. Monaghan, and Remy getting elbowed unconscious mid-sentence), it really wasn't worth the price of the ticket.
The gratuitious ass-shots and killer CGI made the movie. Without those, there is nothing to call a movie. Just a big, steaming pile of mutant DNA-driven cameos and comic-book-wannabe punchlines.

X3 was gold compared to this. Which is really painful for me to say, seeing as I had so much faith in Mr. Jackman's abilities if given a larger role in production. :slamhead:

So much more could have happened to give it plot... Instead of being killed, Beak, Johnny, and the others could have been taken back and messed with, maybe mutating Monaghan's character further so he would have the wings and beak. Wolvie could have then fought or saved them. An offscreen death for Mrs. Howlett, or, at the VERY least, an explanation about who Thomas Logan was and that he was a mutant gene carrier. Something from the days in the Yukon mining camp to help flesh out the Sabes/Wolvie past. The real, horrific, well-known story of Logan's transformation into Weapon X? (I.E, as detailed in the comics and in books such as the one by Marc Cerasini)
And, um, Silverfox? Helloooo? Where'd ya go, lady? (I know, the faked death was meant to be symbolic of hers, but there's still not much of the Native American, nature-connection thing, either, besides calling him an animal.)

One thing that fans had asked for after X1-X3 was to see Wolvie's true full-blown berserker rages. Well, they got it. Two long freaking hours of it in state-of-the-art CGI, and not much else.

:crying: Even as a pilot episode for a TV series, that would've sucked unless there was gonna be a Part II.

I go now to drown my sorrows in whiskey and Star Trek.
----

But hey, Tac, at least we've got a hell of a lot of slash material out of this. Wolvie buck naked in a barn, lost and huddled in a horse stall certainly counts for something. *sigh* :(

Devious Comments

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:iconfazzygrl:
Someone told me the Magneto one was coming out next :shrug:

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:rose:~*Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be SAVED!*~ :rose:

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:iconbabywolverine:
:O_o: I'd heard it was abandoned entirely in late 2008, along with the "prequel" that was supposed to have all of the older X-Men as teenagers.

I'll believe it when I'm sitting in the theatre watching it, and, by God, I'll die if Sir Ian McKellen isn't part of the cast. :evileye:

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:woohoo: I am Alexander Siddig in dA's Celebrities Crew!
:iconbabywolverine:
Dom is awesurme, but his role could have been better. I mean, everyone's been calling him "The Lightbulb Guy" 'cause otherwise, his char's just not that memorable. :( The other folks, I couldn't say, 'cause I've never seen anything else of theirs.

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:woohoo: I am Alexander Siddig in dA's Celebrities Crew!
:iconbabywolverine:
:jawdrop: There wasn't anything after the credits for us! I got jipped! :slamhead:

...And yeah, the Blob was just... grotesque. :bleh: I half expected Adam Sandler to pop up behind him, honestly.

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:woohoo: I am Alexander Siddig in dA's Celebrities Crew!
:iconbabywolverine:
Trust me, it doesn't do the original story justice. :dohtwo: And I really can't believe the stupid adamantium-bullet thing. That's one of my biggest peeves about the movie.
In ALL Marvel lore, adamantium CANNOT be dented, penetrated, scratched, nicked, or otherwise destroyed, even by adamantium itself. Once it's set after the initial heating process, you need Magneto's powers to be able to manipulate it at all. Remember the shootout scene in X2 in front of Bobby's house? That's what would logically happen, even with an adamantium bullet at point-blank range. There would be recoil, but nothing else.
I vant to keel whoever vas shtoopid enough to put zhat in ze script. >.<

...The streaking almost made up for it, though. Almost. ;p

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:woohoo: I am Alexander Siddig in dA's Celebrities Crew!
:iconbabywolverine:
I've heard about this alternate ending thing, but I'm not sure if we got one at my theatre. There was a clip after the first couple minutes of credits, but nothing at the very end. :O_o: Unless whoever was in the booth got bored and shut it off without knowing there was more movie after the credit list? Oi vay...

I agree, the trilogy was better...

But, at least there was Hughgasmness in this one, too! :faint:

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:woohoo: I am Alexander Siddig in dA's Celebrities Crew!
:iconcrazyhobbitgirl:
that sucks! stupid booth person... oh well the will probably be on youtube soon, so you can see them then! ;)

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"Always take a banana to a party, Rose. Bananas are good." -The Doctor

~Team-Edward-N-Jacob
♥We need to stick up for both, Cuz no one else will!♥
:iconbabywolverine:
I'm just guessing... :shrug: I don't know why we didn't get something at the very end.

But this is true! YouTube = the visual Library of Moria. Until stuff gets deleted by the mods, anyway. >_<

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:woohoo: I am Alexander Siddig in dA's Celebrities Crew!
:iconfazzygrl:
Ooh that would be cool! Esp. if Gambit and Rogue met! :aww:

Yo fo sho!

--
:rose:~*Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be SAVED!*~ :rose:

:heart::frail:~I do OTMA vids! :bulletpurple:[link]

:pointr:~Mah NEW SITE: [link]:pointl:
:iconpadfoot1011:
true, i was dissapointed they all died off so fast, i wanted so much more Domy & Will :(
Well, i believe this was actually Will's first movie... one of them at least. He's a Black Eyed Pea by trade :D

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